i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize