Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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