If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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