dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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