I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
