It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
