We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
