Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
