Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
