I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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