literally had 100 drinks last night.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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