please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
