I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
