His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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