my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
