So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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