Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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