Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
