Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
