i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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