She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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