U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
no you cant smoke seaweed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
