My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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