you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
