its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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