I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
