I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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