She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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