i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
