New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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