I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
