Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
MIDGETS
????
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
