did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
