I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
