Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
