Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just puked most of my soul out..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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