if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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