I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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