i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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