she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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