so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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