I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
