dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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