Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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