My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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