Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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