I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
