i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize