how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
