hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize