There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
