Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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