My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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