We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
