he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
