I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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