Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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