I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
