NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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