3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my shit smells like andre
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
