you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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