You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He called his prostate his "boner button".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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