Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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